Good Intentions
by Cyrrer
Summary: They had a foolproof plan to enter the temple on PX-4742. Unfortunately not everything went accoring to plan. This is a kind of 'aliens made them do it' variation. McShep now complete
1. A Cunning Plan

**Title:** Good Intentions  
**Author:** Laren aka Cyrrer  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything from SGA.  
**Beta:** Zanna and Koryou

**Author's Notes:**  
I know the general theme of the story has been done before. But I hope that my little story (it will come in three parts) gives it a new twist.

* * *

All my thanks to my wonderful beta readers Koryou and Zanna. You are just the best.

"To my greatest regret, I can not grant you that, friend Sheppard." The high priestess Arya bowed her head apologetically.

Rodney's face went from hopeful to annoyed. "You are kidding us, aren't you? We need to get into that place. Do you know what these readings could mean? This is so typical..."

Before Rodney could get any more flustered, John put a warning hand on his arm and flashed his most charming smile towards Arya. "What friend McKay is trying to say is that we believe that the House of Marguessan is an old outpost of the Ancients, and that we most probably will find vital technology there. Technology that might help us in the fight against the Wraith."

The red-headed leader of the people of P4X-742 nodded again. "I know, friend Sheppard. And please believe me when I am saying that I and my people want to help our friends from Atlantis in every way. Your people have proven to be valuable trading partners, our community will benefit greatly from this partnership. But the House of Marguessan is the most Holy Ground. The access is limited even for my people; only the priestess may enter it for indefinite time. Everybody else is only allowed in the temple when they partake in one of the sanctified ceremonies."

Rodney muttered something unpleasant under his breath; John kicked him under the table before their more than generous host could hear his complaints about backwater hocus pocus believers. John didn't think that that would help them in their task whatsoever. "Arya, you said it yourself, the partnership between our people could be beneficial for both sides. Is there really no way around this rule? We don't mean any harm or disrespect, and I think it would also be in the interest of your great Marguessan if we find something to defeat the Wraith." John put some extra layers of charm in his smile; it could never hurt to have the natives to like you. A concept Rodney had never grasped, despite his self proclaimed status as the most intelligent man in two galaxies.

"Yes, I was prepared to bend the rules a bit and to at least show you the insides of the temple. But friend McKay told me that he would need several days to examine everything. And as I said, a stay this long on the holy ground is only granted for the priestess of Marguessan and for those who attend the ceremonies. This rule is unshakeable."

Rodney became even more flustered when he realized that there had been a chance for them to go into the temple, but that he had blown it with his usual babbling. Before his most probably outrageous comment to this revelation could leave his lips, John kicked him again. Really, he'd become quite good at stopping Rodney from insulting the locals. Not that Rodney appreciated his help one bit. But John knew a very good way to make Rodney's annoyance go away later. "Is there really no way to bend this rule too?" John asked sincerely. He just hoped that his charm would help with their task at hand.

Arya blushed a bit. "I really would like to help you, but the rules..." The priestess made a short pause. "Wait, there might be a way. I have to consult with the elders first, but I'm quite confident we can find a solution."

* * *

"What?" McKay shouted with an almost high pitched voice. "Honestly, what?" His face was red and he looked like he was going to start with one of his hour-long rants any second.

Not that Sheppard would hold it against him. To be honest, John felt like shouting too; Arya couldn't have possibly meant what he thought she had said.

"As I told you, the easiest solution would be if you friend McKay and friend Sheppard will be joined in the holy ceremony of the great Marguessan."

Darn, he had heard it correctly the first time. "Joined as in...?" John tried to get to the core of the issue.

"I think the earth term would be "married"," provided Teyla with a most polite undertone. John spared half a second to arch his eyebrow in her direction. There was no need for her to enjoy this absurd situation.

"This is ridiculous," Rodney was in full rant mode. His face was red, steam was practically coming out of his ears and he looked as if he would very much like to beat some sense into Arya and her friends. "This is what you get if you try to play nice with the locals. I can't fucking believe this. It's outrageous!"

To give her some credit, John had to admit that Arya looked quite shocked at McKay's outbreak. So maybe for her this suggestion was not quite as bizarre as it was for them. "Why us?" asked John. What the hell had triggered this hilarious idea and what had given him and Rodney away? He would bet his last dime that nobody knew anything. Fuck.

Ronon's deep chuckle went like a wave through the room. Apparently their teammate found this situation quite amusing. Oh, this definitely called for vengeance. And John was sure that Rodney would love to find a way.

As usual Teyla tried to calm everyone down; she had her arm on Rodney's shoulder and threw a very meaningful glance in John's direction. "Friend Arya, maybe you could enlighten us to a greater detail why you proposed this course of action? Why would joining those two help examine the House of Marguessan?"

Oh great, Teyla was hell-bent on being diplomatic. Sometimes John could really do without her compassion. At least just right this minute. Arya's idea was just plain stupid and they shouldn't waste any second on further discussing it. Case closed.

"As I told you all already this morning, only the priestess and the people who partake in the holy ceremonies are allowed in the temple. The easiest way to grant your team the visit of the House of Marguessan is when they share one of the rites. For obvious reasons the blessing of childbirth or the mourning ceremony are out of question. That leaves us with the joining ritual. Which is also the most convenient as it means that the two people who want to be joined will stay for full three days in the temple. I think this time span will provide you with ample opportunity to study the entire inside of the temple. Was this not what you were aiming for with your request for bending the rules, friend Sheppard?"

"I will not, under no circumstances, do unthinkable things with Colonel Sheppard just to be allowed in this building. This is just another way for the Pegasus Galaxy to show us the finger. I'm a genius, I shouldn't be forced to be joined with... to... with a flyboy."

John wasn't quite sure if he should feel insulted by Rodney's comments or if he should just nod in agreement. Marriage to grant them the access to some ancient building, most probably full of junk. There must be an easier way to beat the Wraith, John was sure of it. "Why us? Why not, for example Teyla and Ronon?" he asked again. He really needed to know that and maybe it would stop Ronon from smiling for a while.

Arya smiled quite shyly at him. "That's easy. Friend McKay is your scientist; he is definitely needed inside the temple. And as I understood you are the only other one with the ability to make the gifts of the Ancestors work. It is the most sensible way to have you two as the ones entering the house of Marguessan."

"But aren't there some rules among your people? Rules to prevent a joining of two men? Or is this the part where you are twiddling with rules?" Rodney insisted.

"Why would there be?" asked Arya. She looked so bewildered by this question that John had no doubt that she really didn't know what Rodney was speaking about.

"Never mind," Rodney waved the issue aside. "Just to repeat myself, I will not do this joining hocus pocus – whatever this may be – just to be allowed in the temple. Find another solution. This is not what I was signing up for when I joined the SGC. I mean this is supposed to be a research mission, not setting up the Pegasus equivalent of Playboy. Or whatever." Rodney folded his arms in a very abrasive manner.

"I am not so sure what you are talking about, friend McKay. But maybe it would help to understand the full situation if I explain how the joining ceremony is fulfilled."

Before John could object to this – because seriously they didn't need to hear about this in mixed company – Teyla was giving Arya a grateful smile and said: "This would be very much appreciated."

Arya nodded her head. "So on the morning of the first day, the two people who want to be joined will enter the temple and speak their intentions to the high priestess. They will declare their willingness to be one and share the holy wine of the Marguessan. After that they will spent the rest of the day either alone or together to meditate about their future life together. When the day is ending they shall share the wine again, after that they will lodge in the joining room." Arya seemed to notice that Rodney was flustered all over again because she was quite fast to add, "There is nothing required to happen in that room, friend McKay. Usually the participants of the ceremony do just sleep.

"Anyhow this is basically what will go on during the following days. The ceremony is intended to allow them ample time to make sure that this is really the destined way for them. None of their friends or family can influence them, only the wisdom of Marguessan will lead them. And this time can easily be used by you to study the Holy House. Working together on an important task usually does show people if they are fitting together or not.

At the end of the third day of the ceremony, your friends and family will enter the temple too and you will declare your willingness to be joined for good. Or in your case you will step back from it. After that you will leave the temple as if nothing had happened."

Despite his initial rejection, Arya's idea sounded not so bad at all. And yes, John was quite aware of the fact how fucked up his life in Pegasus must be that he even considered marrying Rodney – or not marrying for that fact – but it beat some of the things they had to do for their survival hands down. "Just that I got this right – we are only supposed to share some wine and to work and speak together for three days? Nothing more and with an easy 'I don't' we are free to leave?"

Arya nodded. "Most definitely so. If you do not want to be joined it will not happen at the end of the three days. This is not a common ending for this ceremony but it is entirely legal. We do not even have to bend the rules for this."

John still wasn't sure, but this did sound like a plan after all.

* * *

"This is just wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. And did I mention it, wrong!" Rodney paced in full rant mode up and down, waving with his hands furiously.

Elizabeth's face on the monitor become worried, "I'm inclined to agree with Rodney on this one John. It could be a risk for you to partake in this obscure ritual."

John just waved the argument away. "Come on, what could possibly go wrong. As far as the high priestess explained we will just drink some wine over the course of several days and declare that we really don't want to be married at the end. So what's the harm? Besides, Arya and her people seem to be the best possible trading partners we found in all the time. They really want to help us in the fight against the Wraith."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Just because we finally meet some backwater people who are not attacking us with arrows on the first sight doesn't mean that they are friendly and we should do nicely with them."

"McKay!" John snapped. "These people bore your presence for the last two days without declaring war on us. I think it's save to say that they really want this partnership."

Rodney became all flustered again. "Oh ha ha, Colonel."

John focused again on Elizabeth. "We really have some good trading deals going on here. Ever since Lorne and his team made the first contact, they tried to offer us with the best deals we could hope for. The food they can provide us with alone would be worth any admission from our side. In addition these people have a long track record of not being exposed to the same amount of culling than other planets. There seems to be some secret protection technique. Most probably originating from the old Ancient tech, which is stored in that temple. And in McKay's lengthy rants of the last two days he more than once suspected that a ZPM would be the power source for such a protection field."

"Yes, of course. Nothing else would be able. And the readings I could gather from this building seem to indicate this too..." but Rodney was able to stop himself from getting to caught up in his rambling. "But that is still no reason why I should be married off in an obscure backwater ritual. There is no guarantee that they would actually give us the ZPM. So why should I take this risk?"

"For the hundredths time, there is no risk. You were the one who was rattling about how much you wanted to get inside that building. And this simple ceremony will give us the opportunity. We will just drink some wine, that's all, no harm done. And even if they won't part with the ZPM, if we understand how the protection field is working, we can use it for Atlantis too. And we can always try to get an agreement with them, to build up an alpha side on this planet. It's perfect. These are friendly folks, bending all there rules to give us what we need, so how could we not act on this?"

TBC


	2. In The Temple

fOn the next morning John shooed a grumbling Rodney to the House of Marguessan while Teyla and Ronon followed them with amused faces. John knew that at least some of Rodney's reluctance came from the lack of coffee but the upcoming ceremony still seemed to bother the scientist. "Come on McKay, you can't seriously still be pissed about this marriage thingy? I really don't understand why you are making such a fuss. It's no big deal, so just go with the flow."

It seemed that this was the wrong thing to say to Rodney, especially so early in the morning. Rodney came to an abrupt halt and glared in John's direction. "Just so you know, I personally think that it is a big deal to get married even if it's only a fake marriage. And I can't find anything amusing about the whole situation." The last part was directed at Teyla and Ronon, who wisely hold their tongues.

"You said it Rodney; it's only a fake marriage. Nothing of this is real, so why are you so troubled about it?"

"There are thousand of reasons," Rodney said and his glare indicated that he thought that John was a complete moron to not understand that.

"Name one," John dared.

Rodney bristled. "One of the reasons – that even a big oaf like you, Colonel, should understand – is that I don't like the idea of being forced into this ritual just to be able to do my job. This should not be necessary! If all your negotiation skills are so highly evolved, why couldn't you find a way around this? And please spare me your overused speech that this whole thing is no big deal and should be fun for everyone. I just want it to be over."

John sensed that Rodney really meant it and that it would be wise to not pester him any further. The others seemed to sense it too because the amused smiles on their faces toned down significantly. Rodney huffed once more but after that he started in the direction of the temple again.

Like all the other buildings in this city the House of Marguessan was built into the large mountain formation. The people from P4X-742 had literally carved their homes into the yellow-orange rock. The only difference between the town buildings and the temple was that the House of Marguessan was located in a small valley a few minutes walk away from the city centre. And of course that the design of the entrance was in a very different style. In fact it rather looked similar to Atlantis. This was the most telling point that had lead to their assumption that this building was an old Ancient outpost instead of a temple.

When they reached entrance – which was guarded by two of Arya's people – John gave his team a signal to stop. "Ok, this is it. McKay and I will now go into the lion's den. We will radio you each day at noon and midnight." That part had actually been the most critical issue in the whole plan. Elizabeth had insisted that Rodney and John would be reachable for Atlantis during their stay in the temple. But Arya had vehemently protested against it. She had argued that the days in the temple were meant to give the soon to be married couple the chance to be without any influence of friends and family. Therefore no contact at all should be allowed with the outside world.

Elizabeth hadn't liked that one bit, and to be honest neither had John. The people from P4X-742 seemed to be very friendly, but it was a huge risk to leave two important members of the Atlantis team locked up in a foreign temple without any contact to the outside world.

But after some more negotiations and rule bending a compromise had been found. John and Rodney were allowed to send short messages to give an update on their status, but they would not get any messages back. Only at the first contact a very short reply was allowed and this only to ensure that the communication channel was working.

"Yes, John. And we will forward any important news to Atlantis if needed," agreed Teyla. "I hope the ceremony will go well and that you will enjoy your stay in the temple."

"Marrying that pain in the ass, I don't think so," said John while pointing with his thump in Rodney's direction. The almost constant complaints from Rodney over this ritual had riled John up a bit and he thought that it was payback time. McKay should realize that he was not the only one sacrificing.

"Oh ha ha," was all Rodney retorted. John gave him his best 'befriend the natives' smile and the scientist huffed in annoyance.

John thought it was enough with the banter and so he started to give his weapons to Ronon. He didn't like that part much either but he somehow could understand that all kinds of weapons were banned from the Holy House of Marguessan. Still, it was a weird feeling to be without any protection and he wished he had learned the art of hiding knives in his hair. Maybe he should have asked Ronon for tips how to do that. "I feel kind of naked," he admitted when his last gun – the P-90 - went into Ronon's hands.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Get over it; we have far bigger problems at hand. I have to study this Ancient outpost in a short deadline, only with my third favourite notebook and without any of my minions. And while the latter could only improve the situation we really do have a tight time schedule and should start with this farce already."

As usual the whole universe revolved only around McKay; normally John would not pass this opportunity to taunt his friend but he wanted to get this stupid ceremony behind them as fast as possible too. So he took a rain check. "Ok, then let's go," he waved one more time at Teyla and Ronon and after that faced the guards at the entrance. It was high time that they entered this oh so holy temple.

After approaching the guards and requesting to see the high priestess for a joining ritual – shivers still ran down John's spine when he thought about that bit – he and Rodney were ushered into the temple. One of the guards directed them through several really familiar looking corridors. "Huh you would think that the Ancients had more than one interior design, wouldn't you?" Really did they not once in all those millennia change the look of things?

"Busy!" was all McKay replied. And he really looked quite busy as he was checking the readings on his handheld while they walked down the corridors. John knew from experience that nothing short of a threat of immediate death would bring Rodney out of his trance like state. As this was not the case he just shrugged his shoulders and ushered Rodney in the direction the guard was indicating.

A few moments later they had reached their destination. After just another corner they found themselves in a room which looked oddly like the gate-room in Atlantis. Just without a gate and instead of the huge ring John could see some altar like statue in the centre. Arya stood close to the altar-thingy and waved them forward with a huge smile on her face. She looked quite stunning today wearing a formal looking white robe which left nothing to the imagination. John greeted her with one of his most charming smiles – this whole thing was about charming these people into a partnership after all – which she answered in kind.

It seemed that Rodney had snapped himself out of studying the energy signatures because he mumbled a snappy, "What's this with you and alien priestesses?" under his breath.

John dug his elbow in his ribs. "Be friendly to the natives, Rodney," he whispered barely audible, still smiling in Arya's direction. He really should start to teach McKay when to shut up even if it seemed to be an impossible task.

"Friend Sheppard, Friend McKay. I'm so happy that you decided to partake in this holy ceremony." Arya beamed at them and waved them over.

When they stood in front of the altar she took both of their hands and told them once again how honoured her people were for them to be joined in one of their rituals. John finally understood why Teyla had vehemently argued for them to do this. It was not only a means for them to get inside of the temple; it also showed the people of P4X-742 that they valued their beliefs and that they valued them as partners. One more thing to make this stupid farce bearable.

"And we are deeply grateful to be allowed in this Holy House," was Johns reply. He really got better with all this diplomatic stuff after all.

"Whatever," Rodney waved agitated with his hands. "Can we start now; we are loosing time with all this chitchat."

John let out an all too familiar sigh. Apparently McKay would never learn not to be an ass 24/7. Luckily Arya seemed rather amused instead of annoyed. She just smiled in the scientist's direction and clapped her hands. "As you wish, Friend McKay."

And with this the holy ceremony of Joining began. Basically it was nothing too strange. Ok, John and Rodney had to hold hands – something John would not mention in the mission report – and to declare that they wished to pledge to spend their lives with each other. As religious ceremonies went, it was one of the more simple rites they had seen so far in the Pegasus galaxy. It even beat some of the earth ones in John's opinion. And it was rather short, not taking into account that it had to be repeated over the next three days.

Arya instructed them once more that they should meditate what a life together would be like and that they should use the time to make sure that they were a true pairing, that they were meant to be joined.

After that she asked the wise Marguessan to guide them and then she took two glasses filled with wine which had magically appeared on the altar right that moment.

"Huh!" was Rodney's reaction. A mere tick later he had his energy reading device in his hand and was frantically scanning the altar.

"McKay!" said John with a warning undertone. He wasn't sure that Arya would like the interruption of the ceremony. Of course everybody knew that they were only here for the chance to study the temple, but couldn't Rodney leave his doohickeys in his backpack until after the ritual?

"Busy!" replied Rodney.

John rolled his eyes, this was so typical. Working with scientists was like herding a group of cats – nearly impossible. John knew that he had to show his point quite clearly or McKay would just ignore him and antagonize their generous hosts. He took Rodney's elbow in his hand and jerked him to attention. "Yes you are. Getting married to me!" He smiled apologetically in Arya's direction.

Rodney threw a total bewildered gaze in his direction. "But… but these readings indicate that there might be a ZPM..."

John counted slowly to ten. "And the ZPM will not walk away while we finish the ceremony, will it? So play nice for the next five minutes."

Rodney's death glare promised that John would pay for this later but he did stuff his handheld back into his bag and faced Arya again. "I so do hate you," he muttered in John's direction.

"That's the base for a very content marriage," responded John.

"Oh, don't be such a moron on purpose," grumbled McKay.

Arya, who acted as if nothing had happened just handed them the two glasses. "Now drink the wine of Marguessan as a promise of the upcoming joining."

The fluid in the glass had a kind of sparkling purple colour that John had never seen in wine before. Maybe it was because of the rather strange light which came from the altar, or it was due to the alien grapes. John took a first sip, and yes the wine tasted different too, but not unpleasantly so. It was rather fruity and didn't seem to have a lot of alcohol. John took another mouthful.

"Huh, do you think this has citrus in it?" asked McKay suddenly.

"We will know that when I'm a widower in five minutes, will we?"

"Oh ha ha, Colonel." But Rodney kept drinking.

When they both were finished and handed the glasses back to Arya, she announced, "Now you have to kiss."

John looked at the high priestess in horror. "Excuse me?" he stammered.

"Oh, this so fucking figures," was Rodney's comment.

Arya looked sternly at both of them. "It is custom that the joining pledge is sealed with a kiss."

John sighed. He really should have known that something like this would happen. But on the bright side, nobody from Atlantis would ever know about this and he would most definitely state nothing of this in his mission report. This was the kind of situation that could endanger his career. Something he could not risk at all because it would mean that he would loose Atlantis and Rodney. Not gonna happen on his watch.

This was also the reason why he and Rodney were more than secret about their 'thing'. Beside the fact that it was nobody's damn business. Rodney might not like this hide and seek game but he understood and he did a rather good show of not liking John more than as a friend, in his own 'rodneylike' manner. At least for a guy who told each and everyone that he could not lie.

John knew that all his musings did not change what needed to be done. He took one last deep breath and then he cupped Rodney's cheek in his hand and bowed down to place a brief kiss on his lips. When their lips met John felt a short tingling sensation in his stomach. Rodney tasted like Rodney and like the wine they just had drunk.

After the kiss they looked into each others eyes. It was the first time that they had kissed in front of any living being and John knew that he should just take this gift and not dwell on it too much. They were safe; nobody would ever get wind of this.

"The first step of the ceremony has been fulfilled," declared Arya with just another clap of her hands.

"Finally," grumbled McKay. "Can I start with my work now?"

"Be my guest," replied Sheppard and flashed another apologetic smile in Arya's direction.

With the sigh of the long suffering Rodney took his scanning device and started to search for energy readings again. While doing that he mumbled to himself, "Come on show yourself, I know that you are here somewhere."

"Friend McKay seems to be very determined to find all the secrets of the temple," said Arya kind of amused to John.

"Never mind him," apologized John. "He can get rather single minded when he is on a treasure hunt. Kind of unstoppable."

Arya laughed. "I can see that. So it's a good balance that he will be joined with you. You can easily calm him down if need be."

A loud and proud, "Ha! I knew it," from McKay spared John to give an answer to Arya. "Ta dah! Let me introduce you to the ZPM of Marguessan," declared Rodney with unhidden glee.

John went to the altar where Rodney stood. "Did you really find one?"

"Of course I did," Rodney beamed. And he smiled the smile which was reserved only for ZPMs. Not even the promise of an absolute mind-blowing orgasm could bring so much joy into McKay's face.

"What is this ZPM?" asked the high priestess.

Rodney did not even acknowledge her existence, he was far too occupied with the readings on his handheld and his loving glances towards the Ancient crystal which had emerged out of the altar.

"It's a power source of the Ancients. We call them ZPM. They are the most powerful devices you can imagine. We have one in Atlantis, using it to cloak and shield our city. Although the one we have is nearly depleted, which is one of the reasons why we are on such a desperate search for more ZPMs. Most probably this crystal is the reason why the Wraith are not culling your people, it must power some kind of shield."

Arya shook her head, to his great surprise. "That cannot be. It is the rocks that are protecting us. This is what is written in the texts of Marguessan. When the Wraith attack, we should seek shelter inside of the mountain."

John just wanted to argue against this, when Rodney turned around and faced them both. "As much as it's sounds crazy, Arya is correct. This ZPM is nothing more than the power source for the altar and the lights in this building. It's not used for any kind of cloak or shield or weapon. It's utterly wasted." Rodney sounded kind of outraged.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. I checked everything. The ZPM is only connected to the altar, nothing else. And just so you know, after 10.000 years of usage it is still at 99 capacity. Oh what we could achieve with this baby." He had an unhealthy gleam in his eyes.

"It's not ours to take, Rodney," warned John. Even if it was not needed to protect the people from P4X-742, it belonged to them. Unfortunately one did not make good friends after stealing relics. They had learned that lesson early in the expedition.

"But… but it's wasted here."

"McKay!" John's voice was stern. He turned this attention back to Arya. "So the rocks around us are protecting you from the Wraith?"

She nodded. "That is the wisdom of Marguessan. When she took my people to this planet all those years ago, she made sure that the Wraith could not reach us again. There is some kind of mineral in the rocks which interferes with the Wraith technology. They do not see that our town is in these mountains. At least this is what is written in the holy texts."

"Wow, that's pretty cool," said John. "I mean, shields are cool too. But they need a power-source. And the rocks are always there to protect you."

"Yes they are. But only as long as we stay inside them. That is our greatest asset but also a great curse. In the last 10.000 years my people were more or less free from Wraith attacks, but despite that we could not flourish as other planets have done. We need to stay in close proximity to the mountains. And even our numbers can not grow much further, to feed all of our people; we need to farm in great distance. To work that far away from the protection is a great risk."

Well that sucked in John's opinion. "How do you cope?"

She gave him another smile. "We adapted. For centuries now the population more or less stayed at a level which allows us to only use farms in what we deem to be a save distance. Usually each pair can only have two children unless we have to strengthen the numbers after high losses. Not all of my people make it to the safety of the mountains when the Wraith show up."

So they had losses, but not as high as other planets. At least they didn't have any freaking rules to kill themselves at the age of 25 to stabilize the population size. This system sounded by far better.

"You have a warning system," declared Rodney.

Arya nodded. "Yes we have, Friend McKay. At least when the darts come through the ring of the Ancestors. In the beginning we had a machine, created by the great Marguessan to keep watch. But it broke some hundred years ago. Now everyone who is not responsible for children has to take turns in guarding the ring. When it activates and darts come through they start a fire to warn us. Usually it bides us enough time to come back into safety. Of course if a Hive-ship is coming to cull this planet, we will not get any warning at all. The last time that happened it cost us nearly 300 lives."

"Huh! I can check on the warning system. Or one of my minions can do that, while I'm here. We might be able to repair it." Rodney was quite caught up in thought. "Or we can install a new one. There is no need for any living being to guard the ring. And with Hives that's easy. We have long range sensors in Atlantis, we can look out for any Hive which comes in your direction and give you very advance warning."

"That's a good plan," agreed John.

"Will this help from your side depend on whether or not we will allow you to take the gift of Marguessan with you?" asked Arya cautious.

John could see in Rodney's face that he played with the thought to say yes. And actually it kind of looked like a fair price for their help. Especially as Arya's people didn't need the ZPM. But John was sure that Teyla would have his ass if they demanded something for the help against the Wraith. Elizabeth most probably too. And John was really sure that they shouldn't exploit allies in that way. So he shook is head. "No Arya. We will give you this warning system in any case. Your people are good friends and good trading partners."

Rodney gave him the 'you are such a moron' look, but he did not protest. In his heart McKay knew that this was the correct way to handle things.

"That is very good news and we appreciate the help of your people. It seems that this partnership is even more beneficial than we thought. Praise Marguessan to send you to this planet." Arya turned to Rodney. "Friend McKay, I believe you said that you have one of these Power-Crystals in Atlantis too?"

Rodney nodded. "Yes we have, but our ZPM is nearly depleted."

"While ours is nearly full. If we would exchange them, how long would yours be able to power the temple?"

Rodney stared at her for a few seconds, totally stunned by her words. "I have to monitor the energy readings for a longer period of time to be sure, but I would guess two or three thousand years."

"Two or three," repeated Arya.

"Yes, yes," said Rodney waving his arms in excitement. "As I said, the ZPM is utterly wasted here, it only lights up the temple. Really any other power source could do the same. With the capacity of our old ZPM you should be able to last for an extended time. While yours will help to secure Atlantis."

"So exchange the devices, Friend McKay."

To be honest John hadn't foreseen this turn of events. And while he didn't want to complain he also didn't want to bully Arya into an unfair trade. "Are you sure, Arya? This was a gift from the Marguessan to your people."

She nodded. "I am. The great Marguessan did everything to protect us from the Wraith, but they are still a threat to the whole galaxy. If we can support you in the fight against the Wraith we will do so. If the almost depleted ZPM is sufficient to power our needs for the next three thausend years we should not waste the other crystal here."

"Huh, that's brilliant," said Rodney. John wasn't about to differ.

* * *

After the exciting start, the rest of the day became far calmer. Rodney was completely in geek heaven, not only because of the ZPM, but also because he found the database of the Ancient outpost. "Finally an Ancient who knew how to organize and label data. This is pure gold," was all he said before he started to happily type away on his laptop.

John sent the first data burst to Teyla and Ronon, with the instruction to forward everything to Atlantis. The other scientists could start preparing the alarm system while he and Rodney had to stay in the temple.

Other than that, John had not so much to do. Rodney needed him from time to time to turn on an Ancient device, but as McKay was mostly obsessed with the database John was left with a lot of spare time. Time he used to discuss with Arya about the possibilities to host an Alpha Site in the mountains or how they could improve the safety of the farmers.

Nevertheless the evening came faster than expected. And once more Rodney and John stood in front of the altar listening to Arya telling them about the importance to find the right person to be joined with. They again shared the wine and a kiss. Surprisingly John already got used to kiss in front of Arya. When in Rome...

Later – after some more or less subtle hints from Arya that it was time to end the day – John dragged an uncooperative Rodney towards their room.

"Let go of me you big oaf! There's so much I need to explore!"

"That's Colonel big oaf for you, McKay. And I think our gracious hosts want to call it a night. The database will not disappear till tomorrow."

"But we only have two more days left! There is some seriously marvellous stuff in there," protested Rodney.

John rolled his eyes. "And tomorrow Atlantis will send all the memory storage you need to download the whole database. Whatever you won't find in the next two days can easily be discovered later on. Don't be such an ass and stop complaining."

Rodney huffed again, but not in earnest.

They stood inside their quarters a few seconds later and had yet another big surprise.

"Huh," was Rodney's comment. "They already mastered the concept of decadent honeymoon-suites. And look, there is food." He happily rushed to a little table where a large bowl of sweets was standing.

John took the sight of the room in. Rodney was correct, this seemed to be one of the most generous bedrooms he ever had seen. The bed was large enough for at least four people, there were comfy seats all around and everything was lighted in an almost romantic light. This room beat his quarters in Atlantis hands down.

"Cool," was all he said.

Rodney grinned at him. "Seriously, this got to be the best day of my life ever. OK, beside the part of this stupid ritual. But all the rest was just brilliant."

John laughed. "Why, what got you in such a good mood McKay?"

"Let me think? Hello ZPM? And we finally met some backwater natives who are not hell-bent to kill us but are rather practical and supportive? Oh yes and we found the proof that there was at least one Ancient who did not only contemplate her navel while waiting for ascension. Instead she stayed behind and helped this people to escape the Wraith. What is more than all the others ever did. And she even knew how to create an index in a database and labelled everything. This Marguessan must have been rather 'unancienty'."

"Is that even a word?" mocked John, this joke had went back and forth between them for quite a while now.

Excited hand waving was his answer. "Ha ha, you know what I mean."

And John did. This whole trip had turned out to be one big goldmine. They hadn't had so much luck in a very long time. John let out one relaxed sigh and sat down on the really comfy bed. Maybe they could persuade Arya to give them the bed for Atlantis too? With a big goofy smile John watched Rodney – aka the overpowered energizer bunny - examine the room. "Oh wow, if you think that the bed is big, you should have a look at the bath. This is truly decadent."

But John was too lazy to stand up, so he just retorted a short "Whatever," in Rodney's direction. Suddenly he felt Rodney's weight dropping on the bed, two strong arms wound themselves around his chest and clever lips started to nibble his neck. "You know what would make this day even more perfect?" Rodney whispered in his ear.

John's first reaction was to disentangle himself. "Not on off-world missions, McKay," was his comment.

"Oh come on. Nobody will find out." Rodney started to stroke the spots where John was very sensitive. "The rest of the team has to stay outside of the temple. And these people will not mind, they even married us off and provided us with this honeymoon suite. You wanna try to find out how it feels to have sex in a bed without the immediate threat of falling down?"

John grinned at that thought. Rodney was right; it would not harm to take advantage of the surroundings and the situation. With a swift movement he flipped them both over and pinned Rodney under him on the bed. "Are you up for the challenge, McKay?"

Sparkling eyes met his. "Do your worst, flyboy."

"That's Colonel flyboy for you," grinned John. He leaned down and captured Rodney's mouth for a deep kiss. When their tongues met John could taste the wine again and a tingling sensation of anticipation started in his stomach. This promised to be one of the best nights ever.

* * *

Two days later John and Rodney stood again in front of the altar. The last days had been more or less copies of the first one. Rodney had found some serious good stuff, John had long discussions with Arya and twice a day they had shared the wine. All in all the whole stay in the temple felt more like a vacation than an actual mission. Not that John minded, though.

What he did mind was that this time they had observers. The room was filled with some of Arya's people, the rest of his team, but also Elizabeth, Carson, Caldwell – John groaned – and some other high ranking people from the Daedalus. It seems that negotiations between Atlantis and P4X-742 had reached a new level during their stay in the temple and that their 'friends' found it funny to watch them not getting married. John was sure that there would be quite some jokes in the near future.

But as there was nothing John could do against it, he just gritted his teeth. In a few minutes the whole farce would be over anyhow.

Arya started with the final step of the ceremony. John and Rodney had again to hold hands, only this time Arya had placed something which looked like a band of gold over the hands. It was thick but bendy and it even felt a bit warm, nothing like metal at all.

"Three days ago, Friend Sheppard and Friend McKay came into the House of Marguessan so that their lives may be joined together."

Was it just John or were there some amused snorts coming from the Atlantis crew? He didn't dare to take his eyes from Arya to give them a deserving death glare, but he would get them back for this later.

Arya did not even stop for a second. "You spent the last days in this temple to contemplate how your future life together might be. And now is the time to renew your pledges. Friend Sheppard, Friend McKay, is it your wish to be joined for the rest of your life? Are you a true paring?"

"As if," huffed Rodney annoyed.

"Don't take this wrong, but I rather don't," said John.

Arya nodded. "If this is your decision, I will break the bond and declare the joining as failed." She moved her hand to remove the golden band, but suddenly the band changed the colour, it was purple now and tickled on John's skin. Arya looked shocked and surprised, she withdraw her hand and shook her head. "I am sorry, but I cannot do it."

"What?" shouted Rodney loud and angry.

John felt rather shocked himself. "But you promised to break this joining-thingy. We only went with this ceremony because you said that it's not final."

"I know Friend Sheppard. But I did not know that this would happen. The colour has changed; this means you have consummated your joining. You are a true pairing; your bond can never be broken."

John stared at the high priestess in utter disbelief. The blood in his ears was ringing and John wished that he was far, far away from this madhouse. This was total humiliation in front of everyone.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me! Just because we had sex we are now married? What kind of backwater planet is this?" Rodney shouted and all hell broke loose.

TBC


	3. Side Effects

**Title:** Good Intentions  
**Part:** 3 – Side Effects  
**Fandom:** SGA  
**Pairing:** John/Rodney  
**Disclaimer:** If it were mine, there would be no Keller.  
**Warnings:** Angst, Established Relationship, Humor  
**Rating:** PG-16  
**Summary: **The plan was foolproof, or wasn't it?.  
**Wordcount: **~3300 (part 3)

**A/N:** I know it's been ages since I last updated the story. I have no excuse for that, only that I got hit by the longest writers block in the known history. I was not able to write anything.  
I'm still not sure if I'm fully recovered, but at least I can assure you that the story is finished. In the end it's 6 chapters instead of the 3 I promised in the beginning. But all 6 are done (the last two are just with the betas right now). So if the internet doesn't get destroyed, the last chapters should be online within a week.  
I hope that you'll still want to read this little story.

* * *

Rodney paced back and forth in the little room. His hands were in constant motion, as well as his mouth. "I can't believe the nerve of these people" seemed to be his latest mantra.

John was sitting in one of the chairs in his usual sprawl, giving the impression of someone who had no care in the world, but deep inside of him he felt furious. "I tell you what I can't believe Rodney, I can't believe that this simple mission went downhill so fast." This had turned into the worst nightmare ever. Sure the ill advised mission that ended with him awakening the Wraith was even worse from a more global point of view but John could without any doubt say that his day sucked.

After Arya's revelation that the marriage could not be broken – because the 'joining had been consummated' or some similar crap – and Rodney's less than stellar outburst that they had had sex hell had broken loose. It seemed that everybody wanted to say – or shout – something at the same time and John had been very much tempted to just take a P-90 and shoot until everybody shut up. Unfortunately weapons had not been allowed inside the temple.

After a few moments of absolute chaos Elizabeth and Arya had somehow agreed to take the discussions to another room, with less people involved. Less people still meant that most of all senior staff from Atlantis, plus Caldwell, had been present for the next round of madness.

John had been furious and had demanded again and again that this stupid joining should be broken ASAP, but Arya had declined. Of course this had not really sat well with John and he had made his anger well known to everyone. He knew that this was nothing his friends and colleagues would have expected of him, usually he would charm and smile almost all tricky situations away, but god damn it, this was a serious fuck-up situation. Rodney with his angry and flabbergasted babbling had not helped much either.

And so after only a few minutes into the discussion he and Rodney had been pushed out of the room to let other people decide about their future. John's finger had really itched for a nice grenade, still did in fact. He ran his fingers through his hair instead. "This is the worst day ever."

Rodney stopped his pacing and agreed. "I was against this plan from the beginning. Messing with religious rituals can never end well. It's not as if similar things hadn't happened before. Really, the natives of the Pegasus Galaxy are dimwitted backwater morons."

John held up his right hand and ruthlessly interrupted Rodney's too well known rant: "Oh no Rodney, it's not the fault of the natives. This time there is only one to blame. And that's you!" John's voice was cold with anger.

"Me? What? Huh?" Rodney looked flabbergasted.

Maybe – if it would have been a different time and a different place – John would have thought that Rodney looked cute being so bewildered, but not today. Today the only thing John could feel was the betrayal. "Yes you. We have a rule Rodney, no sex on the away missions. But no, you had to have a go on the nice bed in the honeymoon suite. And now we are in deep shit."

Rodney puffed out his cheeks. "Wait a second. It's not as if I had to "force" you!" His waving hands showing the quotation marks in the air. "If I remember correctly you were not only quite willing but also eager! So don't try to put the blame on me!" The bewilderment faded away and slowly anger showed in Rodney's voice too. "Besides I think we have far bigger problems at hand."

"Such as you outing us in front of everyone? Seriously Rodney, why can't you ever keep your mouth shut? We may have been able to disguise this as an error in the ritual or something. But no, you had to announce that little tidbit of information to everyone and their uncle!"

"This was hardly my fault," puffed McKay. "Arya took me by surprise."

"Oh, it's never your fault now is it? You and your big mouth have managed to screw up more missions than I can count, but it's not your fault." John could clearly see the hurt flashing over Rodney's face, but he was too caught up in his own anger and misery to be able to stop his accusations or take back some of the words.

Rodney went still for a long moment. The look in his eyes was full of hurt and disbelief. Then John could almost see how his features froze into stone. "I've had enough of this," was his reply.

"You have enough of what? The truth?"

Rodney's hands were up in the air again. "Stop giving me this bullshit. I really have enough of this. I'm sick and tired of this stupid hide and seek. So I outed us. It was a mistake. So fucking what?"

John couldn't understand that Rodney was still arguing. Even in his most annoying state he should be able to comprehend the implications of what had happened. "Does 'don't ask, don't tell' ring a bell, Rodney? You did tell, boy did you tell. I could call myself lucky if I'm not shipped straight to Leavenworth! But at least it will mean 'good-bye Atlantis' for me." And good-bye to Rodney, but John was too deep into his anger to mention that.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Don't be such a Drama Queen. As if this would ever happen."

John shook his head. "Of course it would happen! Caldwell was in that room with us! You know he is after my job ever since his first step on Atlantis – most probably even before that. He was pissed as hell that he did not get Atlantis and that I got a promotion instead. He will leap on this opportunity without fail. And you know that I already have that damn black mark. The brass will not keep this under the table."

"Stop being so over-dramatic."

"For a guy who prides himself to be the most intelligent man in two galaxies you are quite dimwitted."

The eye roll was back. "I said stop it. I've put up with this crap for far too long. Following your stupid rules. No open display of affection. No sex on the missions and all the other crap. I did it because I understand the sacrifices for a career, I really do. And I can understand that some things are private and should not be pulled out into the open. But nobody will put you in a cage just because you are gay."

"There are rules…"

"Rules that apply to earth. You really think that the brass will give a shit about what happens in Atlantis? An expedition which is under international jurisdiction? They would have a hard time to explain where your 'crime' has been taking place in any trial. So even if Caldwell will tell on you – which is very likely I give you that – they will not want to open that can of worms and if worse comes to worst the simplest strategy for them will be to bury the whole incident under and just remove you as the military leader."

John wanted to butt in but Rodney did not stop talking: "And if that happens, do you really believe that Elizabeth will allow for you to be taken away from Atlantis? You, the strongest gene carrier we have? If the brass removes you from Atlantis they would have to send O'Neill instead if they want Atlantis to function on the same level. I doubt very much that the General would be very keen on that assignment."

"But…"

"No but, as I said, they might throw you out of the air force. But will that really be so bad? I would bet all my money that Elizabeth will offer you a job as consultant here half a second later. More money for the same job and the same away missions. Oh wait, you will not have to be the military leader anymore, so no endless reports for you to write. And you will not have to follow those stupid medieval military rules anymore. In the end this sounds like a win-win to me. So instead of bitching like a little girl you should focus on what's really important."

John's brain was spinning; he could hardly follow the rapid fire of Rodney's comments. Maybe Rodney did have a point or two but John was not going to give in so easy, he was too angry for that. "Way to show some compassion Rodney!"

"I could if there would be something worthy of sympathy," came the very snarky return.

Just before John could reply to that, the door to the small room opened. John and Rodney both looked up to see Elizabeth and Teyla enter.

"Please tell us that this stupid situation is sorted out?" Rodney begged eagerly.

John's hopes crumbled as both women didn't reply directly and just sat down at the table, Teyla even waving Rodney to join them. The dark feeling in John's stomach got worse when he thought about the reason why only those two came to them. If everything would be sorted out, wouldn't the other people from Atlantis want to join them for some laughs? John felt himself getting more tense with every second.

Rodney sat down on one of the chairs and started to speak again. "So what is the verdict? Has Arya seen the errors of her ways and taken this stupid marriage back?"

Elizabeth and Teyla exchanged a long gaze. "We may have a situation here," said Teyla finally.

"What?", shouted Rodney.

Elizabeth did sigh"The high priestess Arya is terribly sorry but she cannot undo the joining. There is no such thing in the culture of these people. A joining once completed can never be broken."

"This is ridiculous!" Rodney's hands were waving in the air.

John swallowed hard to keep the anger at bay. "But there must be a way? We only went with this ritual because Arya promised that we can bail out at the last day? We clearly stated that we don't want to be joined, so why are we now married off?"

"According to Arya the words you spoke were not in line with your actions. The color of the holy band has changed, this shows that the joining has been consummated and blessed by their goddess," explained Elizabeth calmly.

Rodney's face got deep red, but at least this time he didn't comment on the 'consummated' part.

"And with this color changing the joining is finalized. The high priestess really wanted to help, but as Elizabeth already said, they do not have the concept of a broken joining, or divorce as you may call it. Even if she wanted, she could not break it."

"Fuck!" swore John.

Suddenly Rodney was snipping his fingers: "Wait a second. Even if we accept this bullshit, this does not mean that we are married." His grin was wide and John allowed himself a second of relieved hope. This was Rodney's 'I'm a genius and just saved the day again' grin. "Neither the Colonel nor I are citizens of this mud-hole of a planet. So they don't have divorces, but what the hell? It's not as if this crap is legally binding for us anyhow. So we will just forget this ever happened and not mention any of it in the reports."

"I second that," was John's reply. This mission would still stir up a lot of trouble, but maybe they had a chance to sweep it under the carpet. Just announce an error in the ritual and blame Rodney's outburst on the strange wine. Surely they could persuade Carson to testify that Rodney was high as a kite or something. This may not end in the total disaster John had envisioned before.

Both women exchanged a long look again. Elizabeth swallowed, as if she was searching very hard for the right words. "It may not be legally binding but there is something…" she broke off looking a bit sick.

John got worried instantly. "What is it?"

"It's hard to explain, John." Teyla was squirming too.

"Then start already," Rodney shouted.

"You know that Arya's people are saved from the wraith due to these mountains they are living in."

Rodney waved dismissing: "Yes, yes… Is this going to be a boring anthropology lesson? What has this illogical soft science to do with the problem at hand? And what problem is it?" There was panic creeping into Rodney's voice.

Elizabeth took over. "They have to keep their numbers stable, as they cannot protect people too far away from the mountains and can also not provide for a too large group of people with the safe ground they have."

Rodney clearly looked impatient. "And what has this to do with us?"

"You have to understand Rodney, to keep their numbers stable, they went the way to only allow two children per couple. And since the day of the Marguessan the civilization here focuses on very tight, unbreakable couples. As the high priestess explained to you, they do not do this joining lightly as it can never be broken. And they don't want people already in such a joining to stray to other people." Teyla clearly felt uncomfortable saying this.

"And?" drawled John.

"And apparently there is something in the wine you drank. Something that would not have been triggered if the joining was unsuccessful. But with the situation at hand, it was activated and cannot be undone."

"For god's sake Elizabeth, what cannot be undone?" John was loosing his calm, the little he had left to begin with.

A light red shimmer started around Elizabeth's nose, something John never would have though possible. "You will never find someone else attractive."

"What?" John and Rodney shouted at the same second.

"There is something in the wine that prevents people who are bonded to ever react physically to other people again," explained Teyla.

"They put something in the wine?" Rodney exclaimed. "What did they put in it? I'm highly allergic! Killed by wine, nothing I wanted to be said on my eulogy!"

Teyla put her hand on Rodney's arm and said soothingly, "I'm sure there is no harm done. Any anaphylactic reaction would have shown the first time you drank that wine, wouldn't it?"

"Who knows, could be a delayed reaction, we are not from this planet after all. Why did they put poison in the wine?"

"Rodney calm down, it's not poison. Just something that prevents you to be attracted to someone else than the Colonel."

Rodney puffed out his cheeks again. "And how is this hocus pocus even possible? And why would somebody even do such a thing? Oh don't tell me, this is a gift from the Ancestors. Bunch of perverts!"

John tried very had to let the news settle in. It was rather much to process. Not only was he married to Rodney, but apparently someone also took over control of his body. Cold sweat started to form.

"We honestly don't know Rodney. Arya and her people also do not know. As you guessed right, this has been created by the Ancients. Arya can't explain why it works, only that it does what she claims. And for them it's not even a big deal. Everyone knows what happens if you go to the joining ceremony and be declared a true paring. They can't even understand that we are a bit upset about it."

"I think 'a bit upset' does not even begin to explain how I feel Elizabeth." John was fuming with anger. "Not only am I now married to Rodney, but apparently someone fucked with my mind and my body and now Rodney is the only one I will ever find attractive again? This has never been explained before we agreed to this stupid mission. And I want this taken back. I want every last trace of this thing out of my body ASAP!"

Elizabeth nodded. "I can understand that you are a bit more than upset. But there was no deceit in Arya's proposal. She honestly didn't believe that you would ever have to face those effects. You two gave no indication that this joining would be for real. But to help us she allowed Carson to take some samples of the wine. Maybe he finds out how it works and can reverse it."

"So we depend on voodoo, lovely. This may take some time – a year or two." Rodney rolled his eyes.

"Rodney, you did copy the database of the temple didn't you? Given that this was created by Marguessan, maybe she put some notes in there?" asked Elizabeth.

Rodney nodded, a little bit calmer now: "Yes, you are right. And as this Ancient was actually able to use an index file we might be able to find this note before the next millennium. I will make sure that the linguists start with the search immediately."

"That's not enough Elizabeth. This has to stop right now!" John's skin felt as if thousands of bugs were creeping over it. Somehow someone had taken over his body, taken away all his control, his freedom of choice. John had never felt so helpless in his whole life, and that said a lot. He wanted out of this nightmare. He couldn't understand why the other three were rather calm about this situation, while he felt as if his mind had been raped. "And it's all your fault!" he shouted his anger in Rodney's direction.

"Oh please as if I would have gone through this stupid ritual if I had known about this," Rodney stated matter-of-factly.

"For a guy who gets into full panic mode as soon as somebody mentions lemon in his hearing you are quite calm about this fucking nightmare!"

"Drama queen much? It's a gimmick from the Ancients, we will find a way out, as usual. At least it's not an exploding tumor this time."

"Did you even understand what they did to us Rodney? They manipulated us so that we will never find another person attractive. This means we will not have sex with other people ever again, if Carson cannot fix this. This is massive!"

"I..."

"And not only is this all your fucking fault, but you also don't seem to give a damn that we are stuck on each other. What the fuck is wrong with you Rodney? Why don't you care? I wish I would never have agreed to this stupid mission!" John shouted at the top of his lung.

There was a total silence for several seconds in the room. Elizabeth and Teyla looked rather helpless but none of them said anything. Rodney's face was like stone, but his eyes were full of hurt. "You want to know why I don't cry wolf? Why I don't care that 'my body got manipulated'? Maybe it's because I was under the impression that we are an item? That we are exclusive? The last time I had the notion to have sex with someone else was 1 year, 7 months and 4 days ago, just do the math. But I see now that my hypothesis about our relationship was built on wrong assumptions. I always joked about you being Kirk, but I never thought that this is really who you are. Sorry to cramp your style."

John felt as if he had been punched. "Rodney!"

But the scientist stood up and marched out of the room. "Just so you know. If Carson will not find the antidote to this, you don't need to come crawling back to me. We are over!"


	4. Reports and Consequences

**Title:** Good Intentions  
**Part:** 4 – Reports and Consequences  
**Fandom:** SGA  
**Pairing:** John/Rodney  
**Disclaimer:** If it were mine, there would be no Keller.  
**Warnings:** Angst, Established Relationship, Humor  
**Rating:** PG-16  
**Summary: **They had a foolproof plan to enter the temple on PX-4742. Unfortunately not everything went accoring to plan. This is a kind of 'aliens made them do it' variation  
**Wordcount: **~2700 (part 4)  
**Beta:** **koryou** and **zannabq** you are the best *huggs*  
**A/N:** Sorry I miscounted the other day. It's only 5 chapters overall.

* * *

After Rodney's big announcement John still felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. And he got angrier than ever before. What gave McKay the right to storm out of the room like this? The whole mess was still his fault to begin with, and instead of accepting that he was going on about it as if he was walking on the high ground here.

"John, don't you want to go after Rodney?" asked Teyla.

John shook his head. "Most definitely not!" And with that statement he too stormed out of the room and out of the temple.

Some time later all Atlantis personnel were gathered around the Stargate; they had dialed the Atlantis coordinates and waited for the wormhole to engage. The Daedalus was orbiting the planet to protect them, in the unlikely case that the Wraith would try to attack right now. Their most valued cargo had to be protected by all means.

As if it would give a bit more protection, McKay was huddling the ZPM holding-case in his crossed arms. Not that John really noticed, he did a very fine job of ignoring Rodney. But he was aware that the scientist also held the tablets on which all the information copied from the temple was stored in his hands. It looked kind of uncomfortable and if John would have noticed the scene, he would have asked himself why Rodney did not let one of his minions play the drudge.

After an uneventful journey they arrived in the Atlantis gate-room. Before they could even be greeted, Rodney started snapping furiously with his fingers. "Hey you, blond girl," he was referring to one of the scientist standing behind the DHD: "Take this and bring it to the linguists. Tell that bunch of morons that we finally have something for them to do." He held out the tablets.

The woman, surely used to McKay's abrasive behavior just took a deep breath, but came out from behind the DHD and took the tablets. "It's Dr. Fischer, not blonde girl," she muttered. "Anything in particular the linguists should look at?"

"Whatever." Rodney's hands were waving with a dismissive air, he had most probably already forgotten her name again. "They can contact Carson, he will brief them thoroughly. Now chop, chop, we don't have time to waste!"

After that he pointed with his finger to several of the marines. "You, you, you and you. You will follow me and protect this baby – and me – with your lives. There shouldn't be any Wraith in Atlantis anymore, but better safe than sorry. Radek, with me, we have a ZPM to plug in!"

John watched as the scientists left the room. At a loss of what to do, he decided that it was closing time and went to his quarters. He really had had enough for one day. Elizabeth didn't need to be debriefed and any reports could be written tomorrow. That he felt uncomfortable and lonely was only because the climate control of Atlantis went havoc. No other reason at all.

* * *

After some un-restful sleep and a very cold shower – apparently the water heating system was malfunctioning – John went to his office to write the dreaded report. On the way to his secret hiding place he noticed that a lot of people were watching him with badly concealed curiosity. Some were even whispering behind raised hands. John sighed; apparently the rumor mill had done some overtime during the night, not that John had expected otherwise. They were a very small and close group of people, stuck together in another galaxy. Rumors were the fuel most of the social interactions ran on. It just bothered John that they would talk about this marriage fiasco. He would prefer any other topic.

When he reached his office he contemplated for a few minutes if he should contact the linguists or Carson to see how far they were with the cure to the mess. But he rationalized that if there were any news, he would have been hailed already. Then he thought about giving Radek a call and mentioning the malfunctioning shower, but as he was pretty sure what the outcome of that would be he just gave himself a mental kick in the butt and decided to not avoid the inevitable any longer and start the damn report.

Half an hour later he was staring at the tauntingly blinking cursor that mocked his efforts, when Caldwell entered the room. John suppressed his flight instinct and gave his best impression of indifference. "Colonel," he acknowledged.

Caldwell greeted back and shoved a tablet over to John. "I wrote a report of yesterday's events."

Of course you did, John thought, but his poker face didn't give his fear away. Instead he took the tablet and started to read. Maybe it was not the worst to finally know what Caldwell would do with the new information. Know your enemy and all that.

After a few minutes he put the tablet down on the table. At first he was at loss for words, then he managed a "That's a very detailed report you did there."

"Oh yes, I think I covered it all."

Which he did, in great detail. Up until the moment that Arya announced that the joining could not be broken. After that piece of information the report ended. Not even mentioning that their joining had been consummated. John frowned. "But that is not all that happened."

Caldwell just shrugged: "I guess the rest will be covered by Elizabeth's and your reports. No sense in repeating everything. And Elizabeth can give a better description of the negotiation than me anyhow. So let's leave it at that."

John feared that his hands were trembling. Sure, Rodney had said some strange stuff yesterday, trying to convince him that this would not end with him being deported to Leavenworth, but he hadn't really believed it, couldn't believe that the brass would rather brush everything under the carpet, especially as Caldwell had been one of the witnesses. But here it was, the official report from his greatest critic, and it was deliberately ignoring McKay outing them both. It felt almost too good to be true.

Usually John wasn't someone to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he had to ask. "And this is all you will report?"

"As I said, no need for boring the readers."

That was it, John's free pass. If he could encourage Elizabeth to also leave out Rodney's outburst and the subsequent discussion they had had together with Teyla – and why should that be part of any official report, that was private – he really was off the hook. Even if the rumor-mill went high-wire, he had enough plausible deniability. John let out a deep breath he couldn't remember holding.

"So, I understand you are now stuck with McKay?" asked Caldwell.

John winced. "Seems like. As Elizabeth explained they don't know divorces on PX-4742." He wasn't sure where Caldwell wanted to go with that question.

But all Caldwell did was shrug. "Better you than me," he said. And with that he left a very dumbstruck John behind.

* * *

John hadn't even fully recovered when Lorne suddenly entered the office. Idly John thought that he should choose a new office, now that it seemed that he would stay on Atlantis, as the location for this one was known by far too many people for John's liking. "What?" he asked in his best commanding voice.

"Sir, you have to fill out the reports."

John waved dismissingly while staring at the still mocking cursor. "I'm already on that Major. Will be finished in no time."

"Of course you are, Sir," replied Lorne without even blinking. "But those are the normal mission reports. Due to the special nature of the last mission you will also need to fill out the standard form 375A."

"Huh?" John was kind of bewildered.

"Oh wait a second. The marriage is unbreakable, if I get the rumors, right? In that case you'll have to use form 375B instead."

"I really don't know what you are talking about, Major."

"Oh that's right; we didn't have this kind of shit happening in the Pegasus Galaxy before. But in the Milky Way it's so common that the paper pusher of the SGC created specific reports for it."

"For what?" John really was loosing his cool.

"Marriages, of course."

"I really don't understand," John admitted.

Lorne cleared his throat. "As I said Sir, marriage rituals are quite common in the Milky Way. I think at the last count SG-1 had 10 of these occurrences. It's not that they happen all the time, but often enough for the paper pushers to prepare standard forms for them."

"But why?"

"Well we can't tell our allies that we want to work with them but not respect their customs and laws, now can we? So if some members of the away teams have to participate in such a ceremony and don't want to stay married, they just fill out the respective form and can be divorced within a few minutes. No harm done and our allies are happy. It's a very simple procedure. I was married off once to an Unas. Boy was I glad for that easy loophole."

John was not sure whether he was still dreaming – a nightmare as it seemed – or if Lorne tried to pull a massive prank. He took a deep breath. "You were married to an Unas? One of these creatures?" John grimaced.

"Yes. Funny thing though. I was second in command of a mining operation on a planet occupied by Unas. Which we didn't know in the beginning. They were not very pleased with us roaming around on the planet and taking away the Naquadah. They united their different tribes and started sort of a guerilla war against us."

"And where did this marriage come into place?"

Lorne shrugged. "They beat us. And in the Unas society the winning tribe leader usually gets to marry the heir of the loosing tribe. As the second in command I was the closest thing to an heir our mission got."

John tried – and failed – to get the disturbing pictures out of his head. "And how was it? Being married to an Unas?" His curiosity won over his common sense.

"Well there was a lot of shouting involved."

"I can't know that! TMI, Major, TMI." John grimaced with vigor and felt his face turning pink.

Lorne sputtered. "Not what you think. As I told you, this was more of a political thing. I was more kind of a "Trophy" to be shown around by the chief to make clear to all the other Unas that he was the one winning this war. To back up his status as unquestioned ruler. And during that process he did a lot of shouting – a bit like Tarzan accompanied by fist drumming on his chest. Nothing more, they find us humans rather disgusting."

"How did you get out of it?"

"Easy, three days later Dr. Jackson had negotiated a treaty with them. Both sides were happy and the Unas agreed to let me go. I filled out form 375A and was free again."

John was still not sure if this was true or if Lorne was just fucking with his mind, but on the other hand, who would think of such a crazy story? Surely nobody who was such a 'no nonsense' guy as Lorne. "And what is this form 375B you want me to fill out?"

"Oh the pencil pushers created that in case we ever stumble upon a marriage which cannot be divorced. Has only been used once before I think, but they have prepared standard forms for everything. And if the rumor-mill is correct, I guess you and Dr. McKay have to use those forms. As I said before, the SGC will not willfully break laws of our allies."

"Major, I think you are aware that neither McKay nor I could marry on earth."

"Yes you could, just not in the USA. Anyhow, as long as you had not been forced at point of gun, they will rather bend the rules of Earth. See, all of these scenarios have been thought through anyhow when they created the forms. So it's not an issue. You and McKay will be listed as married and nobody will ever dare to have a deeper look into that issue."

John was glad that he sat already, because his knees kind of morphed into pudding. "Nobody will care, or even blink because of this mess? We'll just fill out these forms and we can't be prosecuted for this? I will not loose my command?"

"No, that would be against the rules in the SGC. There might be some issues if you want to transfer back to the regular Air Force, but why would you ever want that? And even if you did, they would have to find you a loophole to allow it."

"I fucking can't believe this. Is the whole SGC insane?"

"No Sir, they just have a different approach to deal with problems. If every universal fact you know gets turned upside down at least thrice a day, you tend to get flexible. Anyhow, I think you and Dr. McKay were quite lucky to stumble upon this ritual on PX-4742."

John's mind really didn't want to follow the idea why Lorne thought that he and Rodney were lucky for the Joining. It came too close to an acknowledgement that he and Rodney had been together before. Nope, he was not touching that with a ten foot pole. But he could vent some anger. "Legally there might be everything hunky dory, but this fucking ritual has some nasty side-effects. And I guess the rumor-mill has spread that tidbit of information too. We might never find a cure for it."

Lorne shrugged again. "I won't argue, if that's how you are feeling. But I still think that it was luck. And I'm kind of hoping that there might be the need to send Parrish and me into that temple."

Now John was sure that this was a nightmare. Or a very, very strange episode of Twilight Zone. Or maybe the Asurans had kidnapped him on the latest mission and this was some hideous way of torturing him. It had to be! Lorne couldn't have implied what John was thinking. And if he really did, then John needed to wash out his brain with bleach. Because he really didn't need – or want – to know that much about his 2IC.

John took a deep breath and tried to find his calm again. Determined not to acknowledge the big elephant in the room he focused on something different. "You can't be serious Lorne. If this ritual works on you two and we don't find a cure then you are stuck for ever."

"And?"

"Am I the only one disturbed by the fact that there is something in this fucking wine that messes with our bodies and our minds? It takes away your free will. That's not lucky, that's more like rape!"

"I understand your point here, Colonel. But as far as I understood this ritual, this joining, only works if the couple is really willing to spend their lives together."

Or couldn't keep their dicks in their BDU's, but even under torture John wouldn't voice that thought.

Lorne continued. "So I don't see that big a difference to the normal vows we do. Just that if we don't find an antidote it would really be until death do us part. With the right person that shouldn't be an issue at all."

John had enough. "You are a closet romantic!" he accused his second in command and fled the room.


	5. Desperate Measures

**Title:** Good Intentions  
**Part:** 5 – Desperate Measures  
**Status**: Complete  
**Fandom:** SGA  
**Pairing: **John/Rodney  
**Disclaimer:** If it were mine, there would be no Keller.  
**Warnings:** angst, established relationship, humor  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Summary: **They had a foolproof plan to enter the temple on PX-4742. Unfortunately not everything went accoring to plan. This is a kind of 'aliens made them do it' variation  
**Wordcount**: ~2500 (part 5)  
**Beta:** koryou and zannabq you are the best *huggs*

After these very traumatic incidents in his office John decided to get his head clear again by working out. Running away from the madness sounded pretty good and so he took the long distance. And it really did help. After finishing his routine he felt exhausted but almost like a normal person again.

Unfortunately the good feeling only lasted until John tried out the gym showers. Ice-cold water was really not what he had been hoping for. John swore in five different languages while finishing the shower. This malfunction really had to be stopped soon.

Soon after that he went to the mess. He felt quite hungry and even the thought of behind-his-back-whispers couldn't stop him from getting something to eat. When he entered the mess the whole room fell silent for a second, but before he could do anything the usual mumble went on again.

John selected his food - which earned him some rather nasty glares form the kitchen staff – and went to a table where to his great relief Ronon and Teyla were already sitting. "Hi guys," he greeted them.

Teyla answered in kind while Ronon just put more food in his mouth and nodded, but this was normal for him. John sighed and also took a seat. Eager to not speak about the last mission he went on, "Hey did you experience some malfunctions too?"

"I don't think so," replied Teyla. "What kind of malfunctions?"

"The climate control in my room is not working, and the damn showers are cold as ice."

"Didn't have any problems," grumbled Ronon.

John knew that the chances for a random problem had been very limited to begin with, but now it was clear that it was a very specific malfunction. Not that this knowledge could offer any kind of help.

"Maybe you should talk to Rodney," advised Teyla with a very solemn voice. It was very strange, just like the Mona Lisa, watching from the right angle you could have sworn that there was a mocking grin on her face. But not from the front.

"Oh, I don't think so," grumbled John. If McKay wanted to resort to this childish behavior he was most definitely not participating. Also, it was Rodney's fault after all.

John thought that he heard a quiet sigh from Teyla, but he was not acknowledging that either. He started to eat the mystery meat instead. With mashed almost-potatoes and gravy. Rodney's favorite. John shoved away that thought. If McKay was too busy tampering with the showers to join them for lunch it was his own fault. Again!

He was almost finished with his food when suddenly Miko Kusanagi appeared in front of him. "Doctor," he greeted with one of his best smiles.

But instead of shyly returning the smile and looking away, like she always did, the woman glared at him with venom.

"Is something wrong?" he asked bewildered.

"You!" she said, raising a finger. Than she broke off, stared for some seconds more and left the scene, almost stomping.

"What was that?" asked John his both companions helplessly. He felt the twilight zone creeping up his leg again. He never had seen the soft spoken doctor so furious. He hadn't thought that it was even possible for her to get angry.

Ronon just shrugged. "You insulted her king."

"What?" John felt like shouting. He was still calm, but it wouldn't take much more and there would be shouting.

Ronon laid down his big knife. "McKay. He is the king of the geeks. And insulting him means insulting all of them."

John almost tore his hair. "I did not insult McKay! What ever gave you that idea? And anyhow, it was all his fault."

Teyla padded his arm with her hand. "I'm sure that this is a frustrating time for you too, John. But you'll have to admit that you hurt Rodney greatly yesterday."

"He was the one…"

John couldn't even finish his sentence because Ronon said, "McKay didn't even go to the 'we have a new ZPM party'! The whole science team was there. It was a big party, loads of food. There was cake!"

John got angry. "Why is everyone hell-bent on putting the blame on me? It was Rodney who caused this mess. And all of a sudden I'm the one who gets treated like a leper."

"You said several times yesterday that you do not want to be joined with Rodney," Teyla interjected.

"Hey, Rodney said that too!"

"But he didn't mean it." Somehow a 'you moron' was implied in that sentence from Ronon.

"And after the revelations of the side-effects you were very vocal about that. I can understand your frustration, but it seemed as if your highest priority was to be able to be physical with other people again. That hurt Rodney deeply. And really, I would have thought better of you, John."

"I really don't get this. Does none of you understand how bad it is that these things in the wine – whatever that is – have taken away our control? Nobody has the right to take that away."

"You are right, but this is not what Rodney got out of that talk, John!" Teyla scolded.

"He is thinking that you are sleeping around behind his back," confirmed Ronon.

"For god's sake! I'm not! And I would never do that to Rodney!" John's outburst echoed thorough the entire mess hall.

"I think this is something you need to tell Rodney, don't you agree? And the sooner the better."

John suspected that Teyla had a point, and what made things worse, Ronon did too.

****************************************************************

For the next few hours John locked himself into this room. There was quite a lot on his mind. But regardless from what point of view he looked at the problem at hand, he knew that it was now on him to make the next step. Teyla had been right, he had hurt Rodney. He had even seen it on the face of the scientist during their argument. But he had been too angry to stop.

Now he had to resort to some desperate measures – maybe even talking about feelings. John shuddered.

After he made his mind up he directly spun into action. Better not to give himself time to wriggle out of this. But to his big surprise it was not that easy to get a hold of McKay as he had hoped.

First he tried to find him in his usual habitat – the labs.

"Rodney's not here, Colonel," Radek said coldly.

John looked befuddled around. There was a lot of activity ongoing; the scientists most probably had a field day now with the new ZPM. But there was no McKay to yell at his minions. "So, where is he, Dr. Z.?"

"Well I'm not supposed to tell you that, now am I? I think Rodney's exact words were that he will skin me alive if I tell certain Colonels about his whereabouts. Yes, yes. And I'm to inform you that all Kirk-wannabes with gravity defying hair and super ATA genes are now banned from the labs. Therefore I think it is best you go now John."

Oh this was so Rodney. John gritted his teeth. While he went back to the corridor, he activated his earpiece: "McKay!" But only silence answered.

"Rodney we have to talk!" But again not even an acknowledgement that he had been heard. "Come on McKay, you are acting like a five year old girl."

"Well duh!" and with that the channel collapsed permanently.

John counted to ten. He would not get angry about this. That was just Rodney in his hurt mind. But after all of this was over, John would give him an earful about that particular behavior.

Anyhow, he needed a new plan. With Rodney hiding somewhere he had to find a way for them to have an undisturbed conversation. And the best would be that Rodney could not just run away. Or that they had some witnesses. A grin spread over John's face. He had just a brilliant idea.

****************************************************************

It didn't take long to prepare and to coax the city into helping. It took a bit longer to locate Rodney and to lure him into one of the transporters. But when the scientist went into one of the transporters the doors didn't close directly, giving John the time to follow him.

"What?" Rodney yelled and even tried to get past John back to the corridors. But at that precise moment the doors closed. Rodney glared at John and pushed at one point of the control field. "I want the doors open now!"

"Not gonna happen McKay. You know how Atlantis likes me." John couldn't suppress a small smug grin.

"Oh that so figures! You and your fucking super-genes." He activated the com. "Radek, get me out of this transporter!"

John shook his head. "It's not working in here Rodney. How does it feel to be on the other side of some selective malfunctions? And for the record, it's called the 'cold shoulder treatment' not the 'cold shower treatment'! So I rather you stop that."

Rodney frowned. "I don't know what you are implying. And this is outrageous. It's physicist abduction. Spouse abuse!"

John chuckled. "Don't be such a Drama Queen." And with that his mouth captured Rodney's.

The kiss was hot and kind of long, but after some time Rodney shoved John away. "I can't believe this. It's not even two days since they dosed us with this poison and you are already trying to get back into my pants just because you're horny and I'm the only one this is ever working with again. You really are Kirk!"

Ok, so much for plan A, good that John had prepared for an alternative. He put a chocolate bar into Rodney's still open mouth.

The other man chewed once, and sputtered – but not too much, no need to waste good chocolate over an argument. "What's this? A chocolate bar? You held back on me, you told me that we didn't have any and have to wait for the next Daedalus delivery!" The rant didn't stop Rodney from taking a second bite.

John just rolled his eyes. He would not mention that the Daedalus was currently in orbit over Atlantis, which might only sidetrack McKay. Sometimes he had the attention span of a squirrel on crack. "I'm not horny." Well not really, even if the thought of them stuck together in a transporter was kind of a favorite fantasy of his.

"Pffft," was Rodney's only comment to that.

John took a deep breath. As he feared, time for desperate measures. He leaned his head very close to Rodney's face. "For a genius you are sometimes quite daft. I'm not angry about what happened because I'm stuck with you. But because they took away our free will."

"But…"

"Oh no, I'm the one talking now. You constantly accuse me of being Kirk and of sleeping around behind your back. That's utter bullshit Rodney. The last time I had the notion of having sex with someone else was 2 years, 4 months, 2 days and I think 10 hours ago. Now you'll do the math."

John could see how Rodney's brain was doing overtime. "But, but that was…" he started bewildered.

"That was the first day we met in Antarctica. When I sat down on that stupid chair."

Rodney was stunned. "What? But how? I mean, not that people should not find me attractive, but you are you and I'm, well, just me."

John chuckled. "You were so fucking hot. Snipping your fingers in my face and yelling commands. And let's not forget that fluffy orange fleece. I just wanted to jump your bones!"

"Wow. I mean. Wow. Hey, why didn't you?"

Now John had to roll his eyes. "Because you were constantly raving about this blond super woman you are so in love with. It was 'Colonel Carter this', 'Colonel Carter that' the whole time. You even told everyone that she is the only one worthy to bear your children."

Rodney did get a bit pink around his nose. "Well she is! But anyhow, so you thought I was straight, when did you reconsider that?"

"After your big jealousy tantrum you had over Chaya." That had been a telling point. A few weeks after that John had gathered all his courage and hit on Rodney, with quite big success so far. It had been a rocky ride but a fun one, most of the time.

Rodney's face darkened. "That hussy. And don't tell me you are not Kirk! You had glowy-sex with that ascended whore!"

"Rodney I was only friendly with her. Yes I flirted a bit, but that is part of my charm. Remember that we wanted to get her as an ally. And for the glowy-sex – it's not as if I had a lot of say in that. She just grabbed me and all of a sudden I lost control of my body and our minds were merging." He shuddered as usually when he thought of that. "It was neither my will, nor cool or that particularly good."

"Oh," Rodney seemed to be in deep thought. "You lost control. Is that why you are so pissed about what happened?"

"I really don't wanna go there McKay. Anyhow just so you know, any physical encounter with you wins over the glowy-sex thing hands down."

"Well of course it does," was Rodney's all too familiar smug response. Then he paused for a second, "Well I mean, it does? Wow." Rodney thought about this for a second. Then he nodded. "Ok." They stood close to each other for some more moments before he started to speak again. "Well so you really do love me? And we are exclusive?"

"Well duh!" And with this John just kissed him again.

When they finally had to break the kiss for more oxygen Rodney said, "I may have to say sorry for being an ass."

"It's ok, I was too. A royal one!"

Rodney frowned. "And how is it going with your position? Is Caldwell mounting a campaign for your imprisonment? I'm really sorry by the way for my outburst in the temple. But Arya did take me by surprise." He really looked apologetic.

John laughed. "That's a long story Rodney, but apparently as long as we fill out one of their dreaded standard forms, we are off the hook. I'm off the hook. And we can even stay married."

Sudden revelation hit Rodney's face. "Oh my god, we are married. And I haven't invited Jeannie. She will never forgive me for that!"

John chuckled. "She will get over it. Now shall we go back to the others? And it would be very good if you could tell your minions that I'm not the bad guy any more."

"Hm, I might even do that. If you are lucky."

T

H

END


End file.
